I know we are years away from having teenagers, but lately I feel like if I squint just right I can see the youth my children are growing into. I cannot explain how the reality of the precious time I am living in is brought home to me every day. With every snuggle, every snack, every outing and event, the fact that I am so blessed and fortunate to have the honor and privilege of raising these sweet souls is brought home to me. In some ways I just want to perpetually stay in this stage of life.
But life is about growth and change. With growth and change come a different set of challenges. Challenges which really scare me.
I know I am going to continue to make lots and lots of mistakes as a parent. Some will be small and some will be big.
There will come a time where a hurt caused by mom won't be forgotten in a few minutes. There will come a time where "I'm sorry. I love you," is not easily received; where forgiveness doesn't freely flow.
To My Teenagers - I so deeply hope you remember some things.
Remember how each morning when you would wake up and bleary eyed walk out of your room, I would light up and smile at you? I was and am so happy for another day to be your mother.
Remember how we would all dog pile on the couch? Levi on one side, Ezrie on the other and Jaiden in my lap?
Remember how you were constantly telling me how tall you were getting and that one day you would be taller than me? I bet you are taller now. Remember how I would always jokingly reply "But how will I be able to give you lots of spankings if you are taller than me?" =) (it was funny back then.)
Remember all of our trips to see Grandma and Grandpa? Remember how we wouldn't even be home from the airport coming home and you would want to know how many days until we got to go see Grandma and Grandpa again? Levi - remember on some of those trips, when you were 5 and 6, and we were traveling just the four of us, I would push Jaiden in his stroller, and you'd be pushing the luggage in a luggage cart? Remember the time in SLC when the luggage you were pushing fell over in the middle of the crosswalk? I thought you were such the little man helping take care of your brother and sister.
Remember how you used to want us to have Family Home Evening every single night? Really, I promise, it is true. You'd ask nearly every day "Do we get to have family home evening
tonight?"
Remember how you all used to want to be the person to say the prayer? I'd have three hands bobbing up and down while three cute voices chanted 'me, me, me, me!!!'
Remember Redbox movie nights with popcorn and treats?
Remember our Six Flags summers? Swimming at the 'y?'
I'm guessing there's one night you don't remember - because it probably wasn't a big deal to you. But it is one of my sweetest memories. All three of you were in bed one night. I was out in the living room. It had been a hard day. I was kneeling in prayer, and I was crying. Then I heard Levi say "hey guys, mommy is sad." The next things I knew, I heard six little legs running towards me. You all gave me hugs and said "we love you, Mommy." And all of the sudden the hard day was no longer hard.
I also hope you know how much your father loves you. He is the most patient, compassionate and understanding person I know. I think frequently that if situations were reversed and if I were called upon to face the challenges he daily faces, that he would be the perfect supporter. He has the skills and talents that would be able to support me much better than how I support him. I suppose that is why we have both been given these trials - so we can grow and learn in the ways that we need to. If he were physically able to be as present in your lives as I have been, he would have been in a heartbeat. Hopefully by the time you are all teenagers he will be much more integrated into your lives. Just never doubt his love for you.
So dear teenagers - please be patient with your old fuddy duddy mom. Yes, she is nosy. Yes she wants to know way too much about your social lives. She has many weaknesses and imperfections.
But never doubt that you have always been very loved.
