Another bar failure for me.
I have to say that I feel like one big fat failure.
I knew I was not prepared for this exam, but took a risk that did not pay off. I was so very much hoping to find an end to the studying and licensing madness. But, what was I thinking? I do not feel like I am a person who gets handed things. I have to work and work and work some more before they happen for me. Apparently, I've got a whole lot more work to do before I can even begin to have all this work pay off.
Knowing I've got to go through all the studying and taking another bar exam is .... disheartening. Knowing that I'll have another child, a younger more dependent child, to look after while taking my FOURTH bar exam is ... discouraging.
Right now I really feel like saying 'forget this!' It seems too hard. It seems like I am not capable of finishing this journey. It seems like I am not enough.
I am sure that not too far in the future I will regain some optimism. But for tonight, at least, I am going to let myself revel in my failure and everything it makes me feel about myself.
(note: Though I used 'I' 20 times in this post, I really do recognize this entire law adventure really is about what our family needs, and not just about me. I guess we joy in the successes as a family, but failures seem so individualized.)
