We don't need a handbook - not for Jaxon. Right now, we don't have big questions about what he needs. Keep him fed, dry, burp him and love him and he is pretty content. (I am actually quite a baby hog - I know this is the last one and I am getting all the newborn cuddles in that I can - sorry local friends, I will try and share!)
A handbook entitled "What to Tell and Teach Your Children when Your Previously Christian Husband is now an Atheist" would be very helpful right now. Similarly, a book entitled "How a Marriage Thrives when the Couple Has Fundamentally Changed" would likewise be helpful.
As Levi's eighth birthday and subsequent baptism has gotten closer, William has been struggling to define what his belief system has become. He has identified his current beliefs and why he feels that way and over this past week every night he has been sharing them with me.
The children are also getting older and have questions about where their Dad is on Sunday. Up until now, I could be vague or tell them to direct their questions to their dad - I did not feel like it was my right or responsibility to face those questions. But now that William has a clear idea about what he does believe and how that is going to affect his life (and our lives) the picture has once again changed.
It could not be avoided any longer, and after another questions I answered honestly "no, your Dad does not believe in God." The next question was "Is Dad going to hell? (spelled out - not said!)" No, your father is not going to hell. And so a brief conversation ensued about Daddy being a good person, etc.
This conversation came up because Levi had asked last week if William could be a church member and come to church with us. He asked it again yesterday, and the above-conversation ensued. After the nitty-gritty was discussed, I belatedly asked Levi why he wanted his Dad to be a church member. He said, "because he has the monkey game on his phone and I want him to come to church with us so that I can show Jordan the game."
!!!!
Oh what we could have avoided if only I'd asked the right question first.
I am just at a bit of a loss here. What and how in the world do we teach our children when we believe such completely different core beliefs? How are our children going to know what to hold on to as they receive mixed messages?
I know William feels horrible that he has gone through this process after we were married and after we had agreed on how our children were going to be raised. I know the process he has gone through has nothing to do with me. I have empathy for the pain he has gone through and goes through as he knows what his change in beliefs means to me.
And I know how I feel about the whole thing. Which is very crappy. My religious beliefs are the essence and core of who I am.
Yeah, a handbook on how to handle this all would be helpful right now.
